Friday 19 September 2008

Labels for this post: e.g. scooters, vacation, fall


It is true that it has been some time since I put finger to keyboard and for that I apologise. Newsworthy events have been few and far between of late. Or so I have believed. Ennui has reared it's lethargic head and yawned at me. Work has become more of a chore than usual, and the excitement of the new has become the lassitude on the mundane. Starting projects is all well and good, but they need to be followed through and finished at some stage. I have become aware that I am good at starting fires, but bad at keeping them fed. Even so, I feel the urge to start something else now, something exciting, something rewarding, something fulfilling. And in a way, I have. But more of that later. All counselling is now finished, and it would be forgotten but for the fact that I had set a recurring alarm in Outlook and since all of my phones are synced, every week I get a reminder for an appointment that I no longer have. Strangely, I haven't deleted the appointment and I don't know why.. perhaps it's part of me saying "at least once a week you need to gaze upon your navel" perhaps I'm just lazy. Hmm. It's quite appropriate to be having these thoughts at a time when I've just talked myself out of a potentially lucrative contract - inside I'm shouting "take the fucking money you idiot!", but there was a conflict of interest with another client, and it didn't feel right to take the money when it could come back to bite me on the arse and besmirch my professional reputation. Easy come, easier fucking go.


Change is in the air at the moment - I smell woodsmoke, apple and blackberries, and everything tells me that I should be looking to the new. I think that it's something ingrained in me since school - new term, new year, new challenges. I always prided myself that I seemed to have a wellspring of ideas and creative solutions to problems, but now I realise that ideas are useless unless they are acted upon. Ideas are just dreams, until sweat and focus make them solid. I've been lacking sweat and focus. So I'm purposely denying myself the indulgence of dreaming up new schemes, new things to do, until I've put a few of the old ones in their place. So that is where I am - revisiting old ideas, assessing them and if they are still worthy, whipping them until they run or die.


In a related development, space has now been cleared in the garage for the next great project - getting my motorbike ready for next spring - good honest work. Work fit for a man. With a reward at the end. Operation Triumph is go!